i have no seductive slogans.

Something in the way

2005-12-11T19:39:00.000-08:00

People keep on telling me
Everything's going to be alright,
Or that it's going to get better

But when is that going to happen?

I don't have a magic fairy godmother or anything
Not that I know of at least
Even if I did, she'd have to do alot of magic on alot of other people.

Life is oh so confusing.

There's no magic tricks up around the bend;
Life sucks and it doesn't look like it will be getting better any time soon.

"And yet the elegant manner in which he stated things was inexplicably soothing"

2005-12-07T20:06:00.000-08:00

It's official: I am now really a bad person.
I mean, I really didn't do anything at all,
But merely the idea that I might have,
That is enough to pretty much
RUIN MY LIFE.
So yeah.
I'm scared as hell.

I talked on the phone for 40 minutes today.
That could be some kind of record
{In recent times at least}

Here's a quote from my relative's MySpace,
I found it rather amusing, I don't see how you couldn't enjoy this.

"martinis and mortification
So last night my sister got drunk. So drunk she was convinced that she was dying. And so drunk that she convinced her friends to take her to the emergancy room, where she is told that she is not in fact dying of alcohol poisoning, but is, in fact, just drunk. So they stick her on a cot and let her sleep for a few hours. Talked to her today, she said, "id feel less hungover if i didnt feel so stupid." but really, dont we all feel like that every sunday?"

...And he also made false teeth

2005-11-06T21:32:00.000-08:00

I've discovered that there's more to people than just good and bad.
For once I'm noticing how the "popular people" aren't necessarily the most popular anymore, and really Upper School has only done good things to change our grade.

Life really isn't as bad as it may seem at times. Why?
Most of my insecurities are all in my mind, or at least not important to the rest of the world. I don't know if that's true for everyone else, but I have the stupidest fears sometimes.
People always seem to be nicer when you get to know them.
My little "groupie"/clique thing has gotten so small that we're all hanging out with different people than we used to. At one time there were like 8 of us... but now there's really 5 and a half or something like that.
But my whole point is: people aren't being exclusive, and it's not so clique-oriented, which is just about the greatest thing that's ever happened.

i don't know.

2005-10-27T22:30:00.000-07:00

i know that i'm always saying
"I don't know"

but really,
i don't.

Catch the Fever

2005-10-25T20:00:00.000-07:00

I think I've got it!
YAY.

I've made an accidental friend

but i was feeling so crappy, then everybody cheered me up
which was nice
because instead of bursting into tears,
i could just sit in the gym,
talking about nothing of importance
and it was like, in that moment, there was nothing at all to worry about

actually i did exactly that at least thrice today...

...and then my dad got really mad at me. but oh well!
i'm still in a great mood for some reason.

2005-10-23T22:02:00.000-07:00

um, excuse me, but couldn't this apply to just about anyone?

inferiority complex

n : a sense of personal inferiority arising from conflict between the desire to be noticed and the fear of being humiliated

Neil Young

2005-10-23T18:59:00.000-07:00

Guess where i just got back from?

The beach!

I love going on spur-of-the-moment trips. :) but it was kind of convenient, since we were already in Jacksonville, losing our soccer game (ARGFH) and the beach was only half an hour away! so i was like BEACH YAY! and we actually went and it was just about the best thing ever.
i even got to go swimming!
but it was SO cold. just sitting on the beach, i was wearing a long-sleeved shirt with three jackets and sweatpants. but it was definetly worth it.

i love the beach.

:)

ROADKILL

2005-10-23T17:33:00.000-07:00

Here's all the deadness i saw on the way home:
-A dog! so sad.
-A deer
-A sheep with it's throat ripped out.
-Another deer
-Yet another deer
-A racoon
-A tiny little orange kitten
-Another deer
-A baby racoon
-Three more deer
-A couple opossums
Also someone getting carried off on a stretcher.
Ah, so much death. That's just so yummy.

2005-10-19T20:30:00.000-07:00

argh, laguna beach is just so great.
i was thinking about how if I had a cliffside pool & hot tub, i could just have a party any old time, invite whoever i wanted, and make my own drama all the time, not to mention the being insanely rich and powerful part.
but if you think about it, LC and Jason hooking up IS so random, but it's so true. life's just like
that. you can never know what to expect.

i'm thinking about fucking Laguna Beach. how sad can things get?

...and that is my lame life.

they call it reality, but really she's dreaming

2005-10-17T22:45:00.000-07:00

today has been SO incredibly boring that the most exciting thing that happened was going to the doctor.

but at least now i won't have to be apologizing for my gross coughingness all the time.
so yay to the medical world.

boo to the rest of the world, you're not doing a very good job keeping me entertained.

tomorrow is monday...

2005-10-16T21:45:00.000-07:00

i hope something exciting happens.

:)

phony

2005-10-15T20:45:00.000-07:00

i wish that i wasn't so lame

and i could have some reason to be ridiculously happy

and... that i lived near civilization, and could just be like hey, i'm walking to your house.
because it would be awesome to have neighbors, or live in a neighborhood at least.
(okay, so technically i do have neighbors, but the sophmore girl is a bitch and the lady is a republican or something. but they have a pool, and whenever i go by, i have to look at their pool, that i'll never be able to use because they suck THAT much.)

you know your life is truly pitiful when you had a better time at school than you did on the weekend.

so yeah.
that's how stupid and annoying i am.
oh, and i spent the whole day in burlington losing a soccer game.
and tomorrow we play again
and probably lose to Dru's team
which is going to suck alot
because i could think of so many things that i'm missing while wasting my whole weekend on something i don't even enjoy that much.
except vicky did two fouls in the 18, which was pretty cool. they only scored on one of the penalty kicks yay
but no one cares about soccer, you see?

and this is what i get for trusting people...

2005-10-13T18:27:00.000-07:00

i would say something about how i have trust issues

then i'd remember:

Someone told me something
and then my phone got into the Wrong Hands
and i was working on that whole trusting thing
but then the Wrong Hands went and got incredibly mad at the Someone,
and now the Someone is convinced that the Wrong Hands is going to turn everyone against them.

so, there goes that whole trust thing.
or maybe i just need to find the right people to trust?

shit
well
yet again
i have managed to severly fuck things up for the rest of the world
or something like that
but the thing is,
i don't even have to try
to mess things up
or to make people mad at me
it just comes naturally
because that's what happens whenever i try to trust people

so don't trust me
there's no point.

i think we're going crazy, her left eye is lazy

2005-10-12T18:36:00.000-07:00

i'm sitting here, bored as hell.

my phone starts vibrating across the room.
that can seriously freak me out when i'm all alone in the dark...

the message isn't even worth the spook factor.
Julie: "Thnx 4 the nail polsh idea its awsm"

my inbox is full.
i hate deleting things.
messages, pictures, anything.

haha...
Kirsten: "freakin man whore ud think ppl would b able 2 control themselves & ther animal cravings! ppl suck"

then there's joe: "im wearin short shorts" very nice, joey :)

kirsten again: "haha or mayb ur just jelous that she made out with him...either would b logical/reasonable"

oh god
that is my lame life
but no one cares
so what can i say?

2005-10-11T20:25:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling rebelious...

Guess who's back?

2005-10-08T12:31:00.000-07:00

my sister has finally come home to visit. but of course she won't spend hardly any time with us... but that's okay cause that means i can still have a life this weekend.

but she wants to dye my hair for me! i'm hoping for purple, but i'll do anything she recommends. she's good at that kind of thing.
she got pretty pissed when she heard about how i'm an earth quaker.

tehehe.
but seriously, i really really really can't dance. sorry in advance.